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How to Talk About Money with Your Partner: According to A Couples Therapist

Why is money so hard to talk about? Maybe it is because our parents never talked about money, and when they did, they were visibly uncomfortable. Or maybe it is because we live in a society where people are more comfortable discussing their sex life than their annual salary. Regardless of why it is hard to talk about, having open, productive conversations with your partner about money is vital.

Why is it Important to Talk About Money with Your Partner?

As much as we may not want to admit this, money plays a major role in any relationship. The amount of money available and how it is budgeted determines how a couple spends their time. Our financial decisions, no matter how minor, influence our lifestyles, choices, and dreams. For couples, being on the same financial page can lead to harmonious decision-making and can prevent potential conflicts down the road. Talking about money productively helps couples build a life in which both partners feel fulfilled and respected.

a couple struggling to budget, considering a couples therapist

How to Know What to Share

Knowing what to share and when hinges largely on the nature of the relationship. For couples in the earlier stages of their relationship or maintaining a significant degree of financial independence, discussing granular financial details might not be as necessary. However, the foundation should be honesty. Even if you don't share exact numbers, it's healthy to be open about your financial habits, beliefs, and goals.

On the other hand, if you are married, share a home, or have a child together, it is imperative to collaborate when making financial decisions. In this scenario, financial decisions made by one partner will likely also impact the other partner. Collaborating on financial decisions provides the opportunity for both partner's wants and needs to be respected.

How to Set Health Financial Boundaries

Setting healthy financial boundaries should start with a heartfelt conversation where both partners share their financial priorities. Perhaps you're someone who cherishes memories and is always eager to set aside funds for the next big adventure. On the other hand, your partner might be the type who finds peace in security, looking to tuck away more money for future investments. By bringing these perspectives into the light early on, you create a space where both of you can find common ground and respect each other's values.

Money should never serve as a means to wield power or manipulate your partner. Remember, in a true partnership, both voices deserve to be heard equally. It doesn't matter who brings in a bigger paycheck or who contributes more financially. Every decision should be made together, valuing each person's viewpoint. It's about maintaining mutual respect and ensuring neither partner feels overshadowed or pressured due to financial differences. Such an understanding promotes a relationship dynamic in which both partners feel valued and empowered.

How to Resolve Arguments About Money

When you find yourself in a heated argument about finances, the root cause of the disagreement is likely something much deeper than money. These arguments can be windows into one's values, aspirations, and sometimes even past traumas. So, when these arguments arise, take a step back and approach the topic with a genuine curiosity about your partner's viewpoint.

Prioritize active listening. Instead of simply waiting for your turn to speak, truly hear what your partner is expressing. Ask open-ended questions to delve deeper and seek clarity. This isn't about winning an argument but understanding the underlying emotions and concerns.

Also, try to identify the real issue at hand. Is the argument about a recent purchase, or is it stemming from a deeper concern about financial security or differing values about spending and saving? Unearthing the root cause can guide the conversation to a more meaningful and constructive place. Always remind yourselves that you're on the same team. The goal isn't for one person to emerge as the winner but for both partners to feel understood and valued. Working together, you can find common ground and solutions that align with both your goals and comfort levels.

Navigating financial disagreements can be complex, and sometimes, having an outside perspective can be very helpful. If you find that money arguments are recurrent and straining your relationship, it might be time to consider couples therapy. Speaking with a couples therapist can provide tools and strategies to communicate more effectively and strengthen your financial and emotional bond.

Want Additional Support?: Talk to a Couples Therapist Today!

If you find money conversations challenging or feel they're creating a wedge in your relationship, consider speaking with a couples therapist. Financial harmony in a relationship is achievable. Philosophie Therapy provides online therapy to couples who live in the state of Florida. Use the button below to schedule a free phone consultation or a first session with a licensed therapist. We look forward to speaking with you soon!


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