I'm a licensed therapist, but before I started treating social anxiety, I experienced it firsthand. Growing up homeschooled, I spent most of my time in low-pressure, familiar environments, which felt safe but didn't challenge me socially. When I did find myself in larger social settings—like being around groups of teenagers or young adults, I didn't know—it was overwhelming. I internalized beliefs that I was awkward, unlikable, or constantly being judged, but in reality, I was just in environments that exceeded my social threshold. Without opportunities to connect in manageable ways, those moments reinforced my insecurities and made me feel like I didn't belong.
Over time, a combination of experiences and relationships helped me challenge those beliefs. I found myself in safe spaces with supportive people who showed me I had value and could be liked for who I was. Through therapy, I learned that my goal wasn't to become an extrovert or meet some societal standard of being "social." Instead, I wanted to feel confident in my ability to create a meaningful life by my own standards. Now, I thrive in smaller, more intimate settings and know that connection isn't about how much time you spend with others—it's about the quality of those moments.
Today, I have the honor of working as a therapist, helping people from all walks of life overcome social anxiety so they can engage with life in ways that matter to them. Whether it's feeling more comfortable in daily interactions, building deeper relationships, or pursuing long-held dreams, I help my clients build the tools and confidence they need to create a life that reflects their values—not anyone else's expectations.
In this article, I'll cover:
What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety can feel like a heavy, constant worry about how you're coming across, what other people think of you, or whether or not you're being judged. You might sit in a conversation, nodding along, but instead of actually hearing what the other person is saying, your mind is spinning: Did I sound stupid? Are they noticing how nervous I am? Why can't I relax? It pulls you away from the moment, making it impossible to feel connected or comfortable.
Even after a conversation ends, social anxiety has a way of following you around. You might find yourself replaying the interaction in your mind, overanalyzing every word, every pause, every facial expression. You question whether you said something wrong, came across the way you wanted to, or embarrassed yourself in some way. What might have been a perfectly fine or even positive interaction for someone else can turn into hours of self-criticism and doubt.
Social anxiety can also make it really hard to put yourself out there. You may avoid events that you'd otherwise love to go to, like a friend's party or a work event, because the idea of showing up feels unbearable. Or maybe you hold back in conversations—agreeing with someone even when you don't actually agree, just because it feels safer than sharing your perspective. Sometimes, it feels easier to withdraw completely, avoiding people and interactions altogether because the emotional weight of engaging is just too much.
What makes social anxiety so hard isn't just the worry - it's how much it can take away from you. When it keeps you from connecting with others or participating in experiences that you want to enjoy, it starts to feel like it's closing doors in your life.
If any of this resonates with you, it's important to remember that your experiences are valid and not a sign of personal failure. Social anxiety is a learned response, likely developed as a way to protect yourself. With the right support, it's absolutely something you can work through. You are not alone in this journey.
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Labels You Might Hear (But Don't Have to Use)
When we talk about social anxiety, it's easy to get tangled up in labels—especially in an era where mental health diagnoses are widely discussed on social media, sometimes self-diagnosed, and often overgeneralized. Social anxiety can exist alongside or within certain clinical diagnoses, but no single label defines your experience. These diagnoses come from a guide called the DSM-5—the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. It's a tool created by mental health professionals to help categorize and describe patterns of symptoms that people commonly experience.
Social anxiety often overlaps with or exists within several diagnoses. Here are a few you might hear about, along with how they connect—or don't connect—to the experience of social anxiety.
1. Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD)
Social Anxiety Disorder is the diagnosis that most directly describes the experience of social anxiety. It refers to an intense fear of social situations where you might feel judged, embarrassed, or humiliated.
Key Symptoms:
Avoiding social interactions, like conversations, events, or public speaking.
Experiencing physical symptoms such as sweating, a racing heart, or nausea in social situations.
Persistent worry about how others perceive you, even when there's no evidence of negative judgment.
Difficulty being present in social settings because of preoccupation with self-critical thoughts.
How SAD Relates to Social Anxiety:
Just because you have social anxiety symptoms does not mean you have SAD. Even if you do meet the criteria for SAD, it does not mean your experience is limited to what is described within this disorder.
2. Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
Generalized Anxiety Disorder is characterized by pervasive worry about a variety of life situations, not limited to social interactions.
Key Symptoms:
Chronic worry about a range of topics, including health, work, relationships, and everyday tasks.
Physical symptoms like muscle tension, fatigue, restlessness, and difficulty sleeping.
A feeling of being "on edge" most of the time.
How GAD Relates to Social Anxiety:
Social anxiety can be a piece of the puzzle for someone with GAD, but it's not the whole story. A person with GAD may experience social anxiety as one facet of their worry, but their anxiety isn't limited to social settings.
3. Panic Disorder
Panic Disorder involves recurrent, unexpected panic attacks—sudden episodes of intense fear that trigger physical symptoms.
Key Symptoms:
Panic attacks that come on suddenly and feel overwhelming, often with physical sensations like a racing heart, shortness of breath, or chest pain.
Persistent worry about when the next attack will happen.
Avoidance of situations where a panic attack might occur.
How Panic Disorder Relates to Social Anxiety:
Some people with Panic Disorder find that their attacks are triggered by social situations, especially ones that feel particularly intimidating. However, others with Panic Disorder might not experience social anxiety at all. For them, panic attacks can arise in completely unrelated contexts, like driving or being in crowded spaces.
4. Agoraphobia
Agoraphobia is a fear of being in situations where escape might feel difficult or where help might not be available if anxiety occurs. This diagnosis is often misunderstood and overly simplified as a fear of leaving home, but it's much more nuanced than that.
Key Symptoms:
Avoiding situations where you might feel trapped or out of control, such as crowded places, public transportation, or open spaces.
Feeling intense fear in situations where you might experience panic or embarrassment.
In severe cases, staying home to avoid triggering environments altogether.
How Agoraphobia Relates to Social Anxiety:
Agoraphobia can overlap with social anxiety, particularly if the fear of embarrassment or judgment is part of why someone avoids certain places. However, it's not always tied to social interactions. For example, a person with agoraphobia might avoid public transportation not because of social fears but because they're afraid of being trapped if they experience a panic attack. Agoraphobia can also occur alongside Panic Disorder, where the fear of having a panic attack leads to avoidance of various settings.
5. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodevelopmental condition that can affect social communication, sensory processing, and behavior.
Key Symptoms:
Difficulty understanding social cues, like tone of voice or facial expressions.
A preference for structured, predictable environments.
Sensory sensitivities, such as being overwhelmed by loud noises or bright lights.
A tendency to focus intensely on specific interests.
How ASD Relates to Social Anxiety:
Some people with autism experience social anxiety, but the root causes may differ. Social anxiety for someone with ASD might stem from sensory overload or a fear of misunderstanding social cues rather than a fear of judgment. It's also important to note that not everyone with autism has social anxiety, and many develop strategies that help them navigate social interactions in ways that work for them.
These Labels Do Not Define You
Diagnoses like these are tools. They help us put words to our experiences, understand patterns, and identify ways to get support. But they're not permanent markers of who you are or how you'll always feel. Mental health is fluid—your symptoms and experiences might change over time, and that's okay.
If you resonate with one of these labels, it can be helpful to learn more about it and seek support. But if you don't feel like any one label fully captures your experience, that's okay, too. These diagnoses exist to help provide language and understanding—not to box you into a specific way of being. Your journey is yours, and it's shaped by much more than a label.
How to Know if Social Anxiety is Actually a Problem
Social anxiety, like many emotions, has a purpose. It's one of the ways our brain and body help keep us safe. The sense of unease you feel in social interactions is your internal warning system telling you to pay attention.
For example, social anxiety can help you notice when someone may not have your best interests at heart. Maybe it's a friend who constantly lies or makes backhanded comments, leaving you feeling uneasy every time you're around them. Or perhaps it's a boss who has a track record of being rude, dismissive, or setting unrealistic expectations. In situations like these, your anxiety is signaling that this person's behavior could cause you harm—emotionally, socially, or even physically. In this way, social anxiety is a protective mechanism. It's your brain's way of saying, Hey, something might be off here. Pay attention. When it's functioning in this way, social anxiety can be helpful, even necessary.
However, social anxiety becomes problematic when the intensity of the fear doesn't match the situation. It's like your internal thermometer is running too hot, warning you of danger in moments that are actually safe.
Using the Social Anxiety "Thermometer"
Using the image below as a guide, think of your social anxiety as a thermometer from 0-10 degrees that measures how "hot" or intense your fear is in social situations:
0-5 Degrees: At this level, social anxiety is doing its job. It's a nudge that something might be off, prompting you to stay alert or act thoughtfully. Maybe you're meeting someone new, and your anxiety helps you gauge whether this person feels trustworthy. Or you're about to give a presentation, and a little nervous energy motivates you to prepare thoroughly. This range is uncomfortable but manageable—it's your body's way of keeping you aware.
5-10 Degrees: As the temperature rises, social anxiety starts to feel overwhelming. Your heart might pound, your mind might race with self-critical thoughts, or you may even experience physical symptoms like sweating or nausea. At the highest end of this scale, social anxiety can escalate into complete panic, making it nearly impossible to focus, connect, or even stay in the situation.
When your anxiety is consistently running at a 5-10 in situations that don't actually pose a threat, that's when it begins to interfere with your life. For example:
You feel intense fear before a casual conversation with a coworker, even though there's no history of conflict or judgment between you.
Attending a friend's party feels so overwhelming that you avoid it altogether, even though you genuinely want to go.
After every interaction, you replay conversations in your mind, convinced you said something wrong or embarrassing.
You feel isolated, but are too anxious to socialize.
You believe you are fundamentally flawed, unlikeable, or awkward.
In these moments, your thermometer isn't just reading the environment—it's overreacting to it. The fear becomes less about what's happening around you and more about what's happening inside you.
It's important to remember that social anxiety isn't inherently "bad." It serves a purpose. But if it's consistently making your world smaller—causing you to avoid situations, relationships, or opportunities that matter to you—it might be time to seek support.
Therapy can help recalibrate your thermometer so that your social anxiety responds appropriately to situations. Instead of running hot in moments that are safe, your system learns to stay calmer, helping you navigate social interactions with more ease and confidence. You don't have to live at a 5-10 on the anxiety scale. With the right tools, you can bring things back down to a manageable range, allowing you to engage with life in a way that feels right for you.
When Therapy is Needed and How it Can Help
Therapy for social anxiety isn't about changing who you are or pushing you to meet some societal standard of what it means to be "social." It's about helping you figure out what matters to you. What do you want from your social interactions? What is social anxiety holding you back from that you wish you could do? Maybe it's attending family gatherings without feeling overwhelmed, speaking up during a meeting, or simply feeling more at ease in casual conversations. Therapy is about giving you the tools and confidence to engage with others in ways that align with your values and desires—not anyone else's expectations.
When Therapy is Needed
If social anxiety is interfering with the things you care about or preventing you from living in alignment with your values, therapy might be a good next step. Signs that therapy could help include:
Feeling lonely or disconnected but not knowing how to take the first step toward connection.
Experiencing frequent (or maybe even constant) self-critical thoughts.
Struggling with everyday tasks, like running errands, attending classes, or participating in meetings, because they feel overwhelming.
Avoiding relationships or experiences that matter to you because the anxiety feels too intense to manage.
How Therapy Helps
Therapy for social anxiety is not one-size-fits-all—it's designed to meet you where you are and move at a pace that feels comfortable. One of the first steps in therapy is understanding how social anxiety impacts you and what you'd like to change. From there, therapy helps you:
Reset Your Inner Thermometer: Social anxiety can feel like an overactive alarm system, going off when there's no real danger. Therapy works in small, manageable steps to recalibrate that system, so your responses match the situation. Over time, this helps you feel less overwhelmed and more in control.
Build Tools and Self-Esteem: Therapy equips you with strategies to handle anxious moments when they arise, but it also goes deeper. It helps you challenge self-critical thoughts, rewrite negative beliefs about yourself, and build the confidence to show up in the ways you want.
Define Your Own Version of Connection: The goal isn't to push you into being more "social" or to meet other people's expectations. Instead, it's about helping you define what meaningful connection looks like for you and supporting you as you work toward it.
The approaches used in therapy vary based on your needs, but some effective methods for social anxiety include:
Narrative Therapy: Social anxiety often comes with stories we tell ourselves, like "I'm bad at conversations" or "People will judge me." Narrative therapy helps you explore and rewrite these stories, creating space for a more compassionate and empowering perspective.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is a highly effective approach that helps you challenge negative thought patterns and practice new, healthier ways of engaging in social situations.
Exposure Therapy: Exposure therapy involves gradually facing the social situations that trigger your anxiety, always in a way that feels safe and manageable. This helps your brain learn that these situations aren't as dangerous as they feel, reducing the intensity of your anxiety over time.
Start Therapy For Social Anxiety with Me!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this article. If you live in Florida and are considering therapy for social anxiety, I'd love to work with you. I offer online therapy for social anxiety to Florida residents. Starting therapy can feel like a big decision, and I'm here to make the process as comfortable as possible.
To begin, use the button below to schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation where you'll speak with me directly. This is your chance to ask any questions and see if I'm the right therapist for you. Prefer to skip the phone call, no worries! You can send me a message or use the button below to schedule a first session instead of a phone call. I hope to speak with you soon!